Handful of a Problem
by Shinra-ex-SOLDIER
Summary: A seamstress. That's what Shiki was. And of course, she had earned the hands of a seamstress too. It was an occupational hazard. But maybe there's just more stress than seams in what she does or more importantly, what it does to her. Post-game. Possible spoilers. Written in Shiki's and then Neku's POV. NekuxShiki


**Handful of a Problem**

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

A seamstress. That's what Shiki was. And of course, she had earned the hands of a seamstress too. It was an occupational hazard. But maybe there's just more stress than seams in what she does or more importantly, what it does to her. Post-game. Possible spoilers. Written in Shiki's and then Neku's POV. NekuxShiki

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

_Shiki's POV_

Hey, Mr. Mew. Do you want in on a secret?

You probably know it already though. But I just want to get it off my chest before I start overthinking things. I should probably just go straight to the point but I can't 'cause it's embarrassing, okay? Argh, if only I was Neku. He could say anything, including insults, so bluntly that now I wish that part of him rubbed off on me. But it didn't so you'll just have to settle with little ol' me. Quiet and timid Shiki. You're cool with that, right?

Remember when I first patched you up? It was a mess. I was, I mean. I couldn't even put the thread through the eye of the needle for less than five minutes. I had to squint really hard to get it. Don't give me that look. I was young back then, well, _younger_. Geez, now I sound like a grandma reminiscing. Look, remember how the first year I always somehow find a way to poke my hands with the needle? On some days, I think I've made more holes in my hand than I did on you. The whole "_kissing the pain away_" by mom got old really fast because of that. And on worse days, I had to stop sewing altogether because my hands were so full of bandages that made sewing pretty much impossible.

Which brings me back to my present petty teenage problem. My hands. I have the hands of a seamstress… and I kinda wish I don't. I mean, it's not like I want to quit sewing- no! Not ever! Wait, I think I'm not saying this right. Okay, how 'bout an analogy? Umm, just look at Eri's hands. They're smooth and soft. Just like how a girl's hands are supposed to be. On the other hand… are my hands. Not really the epitome of what I just described. And there's my problem.

Don't get me wrong. I'm way over my insecurity of Eri. I guess you could say that I'm just a little bit… conscious. I know, it's stupid. Take away the jealousy and you're left with a self-conscious Shiki. So much for improvement, right? Yeah, I thought so too. Looks like I still got a long way to go to being independent and confident Shiki. There you go, so what do you think?

Figured you won't say anything.

I must be really desperate trying to ask you for advice. Desperate but not ashamed. After all, we've already been through a lot together. Besides, if I'm working on changing my image to being independent then I better start now. Thanks for listening to me, anyways.

At least you don't care about how bad my hands are, right? And maybe, even the whole gang's okay with it. I know this might sound selfish but they might be cool with it but I'm not. I don't know, it just feels wrong to me. Don't mind me, I'm okay… just confused about myself.

It's just a phase. Hopefully.

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

_Neku's POV_

Just me and Shiki today too, huh?

Not like we planned it to be. The rest of the gang _conveniently _forgot to tell us they couldn't meet up at Hachiko. Again. Yeah, right. Seven times in a row? Must be luck then. _Really _good luck. I swear I think Eri's convinced everyone to hook us up. Talk about peer pressure.

So we figured we'd hang out at my place today since last time it was at hers. Fair's fair. And we're almost to the Udagawa mural. I smirked. Heh, I'll never get tired of seeing it.

"Someone's happy today."

I looked at her; she was on my left side. Her smile was bright. "Yeah, you."

She playfully elbowed me. "That's not what I meant." Don't you mean who? Nah, better not get to her bad side.

"Who else? You're the only one I see here." The back streets' abandoned 'cept for us. Can't blame anyone. It's no tourist hotspot.

"Try looking at a mirror." She countered.

"No, thanks. What kind of guy brings a frickin' mirror with him anyways?" Oh, right. The _Prince _type.

"Hey! Don't judge him!" Damn, I said it out loud. Not like I'm taking that back. That guy really does have issues. I mean, c'mon. _F for fabulous? _What the fu-

Ringing. Huh? I'm hearing bicycle bell rings. But where's the bike? I tilted my head up.

Oh, shit.

Goddammit shit. Why the hell would a kid ride a bike down the stairs? I quickly grabbed Shiki's hand and pulled her as close as I can to me and away from what would've hurt a hell lot.

"Sorry!" The brat shouted as he breezed through.

"Sorry my ass!" My other hand was raised and clenched into a fist. Gotta teach the kid some lessons. He almost hit- "Hey, Shiki! You aight?" I asked. I didn't care at that point if I looked worried. Because I was.

"Y-yeah. Just… shocked." She managed to breath out, a bit shaky. That's when I realized how close we were. Crap, what do I do? I froze… S-stop blushing! Urgh, hope she doesn't notice it.

Too late.

Our eyes locked. And I had no idea what to do next. Kiss her? What am I, _crazy_?! I haven't even manned up to ask her out yet! I just stare right back at her. She's breathing more slowly now just like I am. We're in synch. Heh, go figure. Then all of a sudden, she went wide-eyed and her eyes fell… to our hands.

Right, I was still holding her hand. I think she noticed this because she jerked her hand out of it. I'm supposed to be okay with it but I'm not. The look she had right after was a punch to my guts. She looked disgusted. My hand fell limply to my side and I didn't even bother to look at it. Why would I when I was already disgusted with it too?

My fingers twitched in anxiety. I felt like I wanted to punch something, anything, with it. But if I hit something, it'll hurt. Then I couldn't ignore the fact that it's still my hand.

My hand that Shiki hates.

Shiki… I glanced at her only to find her face pained. Wait, what? She was staring at her own hand too. I blinked. Nope, same picture. I'm not dreaming this stuff up. What now?

Whatever. I'll just wing it.

I grabbed Shiki's hand so we could get to the stairs together. But she yanked her hand away. And then her face… it was the same face that made me sad for her and sick at myself. I couldn't stand it. And I bet Shiki couldn't either.

She looked guilty. Guilty of _what, _Shiki? Does she have holding hand issues? Hold up. Actually, I might be onto something here. She's been _shying _away from holding hands. Who am I kidding? She's acting like you could get cancer from it! I frustratingly pulled one of my spikes. Idiot. How could I not notice it?

I sighed. Might as well get it out in the open. "Okay, what gives?" She doesn't say anything to me.

How is it that you could easily open up your senses in the UG but not open up in the RG?

Shiki never gave up on me in the Game no matter how much of an asshole I was. I'm not letting this go yet. "If you don't like holding hands, you could've just told me. It's cool." There, now talk to me, _please_.

She winced. Maybe I was too blunt. "It's not like that."

"Then what is it?" I almost crossed my arms but stopped. Better not give her the wrong impression/

She bit her bottom lip as if to stop herself from saying anything. It took her a while and those seconds could've been minutes. I thought I made a wrong move since there's this awkward silence. Not silence but _tension. _I was already screaming inside but thankfully, she fessed up. "I don't have the best hands in the world."

That I didn't expect. "And?"

She shuffled as if she was caught guilty of a crime. Her voice got smaller so I had to strain my ears but I heard her. "They're not smooth or soft…"

I scowled. "So what? I got worse hands. Hell, I bet Beat has the worst. No offense to him." What? He does skateboarding. It's a recreational hazard. He's cool with it.

Then she found her voice but unfortunately, it was in frustration. "But that's just it! You're _guys_." She looked down at her hands like she was right now, looking down at herself. And then her voice was barely a whisper. "To have my hands compared to a guy's… mine must be more horrible than I thought."

"Is this what you're so hung up about?" I grabbed both of her hands and I'm not letting them go any second. I didn't say anything until she finally looked at me. Deep breath. "Shiki, your hands are…"_ Beautiful._ "- good."

"Good?" Yeah, Neku. _Good? _That's the best you can come up with? Joshua's right. I do have issues. I can't even tell a girl she's pretty. It's not a proposal. No shit, Sherlock. And dammit, Shiki needs the reassurance now so I need to do better than just _good_.

I steadied my voice. "You got them from sewing, aight? Then what's the problem there?" Her face was still fallen. I mentally sigh. I'm not good at talking about these kinds of stuff but all I can promise is that I try. "Sure, they're rough but they're tough too. They're proof of your dreams. That you're actually making progress." Then I scowled to myself. "Mine though…"

Tried to kill you.

"Yours are what?"

I'm afraid to tell her. Sometimes, I try to think that it was just a bad dream. That I never even _dared _to try what I did on Day 2. But I can't just forget about the past. I need to take it all, both the good and the bad. After all, it's one of the many reasons I changed. Shiki. Actually, she's got her name on most of my reasons. If anyone misses antisocial me then you can just blame her.

And screw me. I'm dodging her question.

"Mine were _this_ close to killing a friend." I could never lie to her… but I could never tell her the truth. Not now. My voice was low. "He made me choose. Shoot him or be shot." I tilted my head down to hide my face. There's a lot going in me right now that I'm not sure she'll like what she'll see. "I didn't shoot though. I couldn't. He was my friend. I still... trusted him."

I couldn't see her face either. And I'm okay with that. I have a feeling she's not wearing her best face anyways. "Neku…"

"Look, what I'm trying to say is that you got good hands. They ain't dirty like mine."

"But you didn't!"

"But I could've. I hated myself for thinking the _what ifs _in the first place. For a while, whenever I held something metal, I always thought of that gun." I laughed bitterly. "Sorry 'bout that. I'm supposed to make you feel better about your hands but all I'm giving you is a demotivational speech 'bout mine."

"It's okay. I guess we all have to have something to hate about ourselves." Her voice sounded calm. Heck, it sounded way more confident than whatever I just said. Looks like someone's finally come back to their senses.

I smirked. She's not the only one who's feeling themselves again. "Self-learned? And here I thought you needed my help on figuring out this whole thing."

She smiled. "I did. Thanks, Neku."

I guess I was grinning too. "Heh, it still worked though."

"What worked?" She asked.

_There's nothing right with her hands. There's something wrong with his hands. But hands are meant to hold another. And they just needed to figure that out._

"Don't know what exactly but hey, we're still holding hands. That's a start."

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

**Shinra-ex-SOLDIER**

* * *

No, there's nothing related to VLR in this fic. Although I admit, I used the same style as "Player's Dilemma" and "Schrodinger's CAT".  
I'm sorry if I'm (always) portraying Shiki as a bit insecure. But that's just normal. People don't change instantly. Old habits die hard. I wanted her change to be gradual.  
So just to be fair, I did the same to Neku. AND SHIPPED THEM.

And most importantly, I'm deeply sorry if this isn't up to par. I discretely rushed this in hours before our flight. I'll try to make it up in the next story I post. Ciao!


End file.
